DNC's opening day schedule for the convention...

Quodlibetum has just received, from an operative burrowed deep in the nether regions of the Democrat National Committee in Washington, the top secret schedule for the opening day Democrat Nomination Convention to be held on August 25, 2008 in Denver, Colorado:

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to the United Nations.
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Multicultural prayer and worship, led by Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Imam Sheikh Mohammed bin Mohammed abu Allahu Gawwad.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding of Former Congressman Mark Foley and Former New Jersey Governor James McGreevy -- Barney Frank presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. "Free Saddam" Rally, led by Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: The Proper Etiquette for Surrender -- French President Jacques Chirac.
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit the Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay -- Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented the Truth in Broadcasting Award, presented by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. Speech: How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers -- Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. Speech: Our Troops Are War Criminals -- John Kerry.
11:30 P.M. Coronation of HRH (Her Royal Highness) Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
2:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home

[hat tip to "To the Point"]